As I sit here typing this, I am trying to figure out what exactly is different this time around in the journey of losing weight. I'm trying to put my finger on why, after trying every diet I could think of, popping over the counter diet pills and prescription diet pills, and working out only to later eat back every calorie I burned plus some when I couldn't control what was going in my mouth, why is this time different?
Today is week seven. I have been consistent. I am pushing through setbacks. I am enjoying exercising. I crave healthy foods and the appeal of sodas and lots of sugary snacks and carbs is gone.
I am already a different person. I feel different. I could say that about myself probably before week four. Mentally, I am positive and feel encouraged by my progress. I feel better about myself. I no longer feel like I am lying wounded on a battlefield. I have risen to my feet and I am fighting.
But, what makes this time different from the countless times over the past few years that I have tried unsuccessfully to get healthy? Is it the fact that I hit over 300 pounds for the first time in my life? Is it the family picture that we took that when I saw it and faced how I looked put me over the edge? Do I somehow have superhuman will power now?
I don't think so.
I will tell you why I think things are different this time. I have been an emotional eater for a long time. I was hurting. I was upset. I ate to numb the pain. I couldn't let go of some things and the only person I was hurting was myself.
I have let go of those things. I have forgiven.
I have taken responsibility for myself. I'm not blaming anyone or anything for what I have become anymore. I realized that no matter what happened in the past, I am responsible for who I am now.
I read these verses. It felt like a punch in the gut.
New International Version (NIV)
18 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach,and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
My god was my stomach....not that I woke up and said one day, I am going to make my appetite and my stomach my god. But it had become such an obsession, such a controlling force in my life that it had become a god. I was living as an enemy of the cross of Christ and that is the last thing I want to do.
I had to make up my mind that being healthy was more important than what I was putting in my mouth.
I used to get really mad about the fact that if I was going to get healthy and lose weight, it would be a lifelong process. It didn't seem fair that my husband could eat whatever he wanted and not gain a pound, while I gain so easily. It would tick me off that I had to watch my family eat mac and cheese and breaded chicken fingers while I ate baked chicken and green beans. It was overwhelming to think there will never be a time that I "arrive" at my weight loss destination and then relax. Nope. That's not how it happens. I will always have to be mindful of what I put in my mouth. I will always have to stay active if I want to be at my best. I have come to terms that to be the best Amanda I can be, to be healthy and be around for my family, to be who God ultimately created me to be, I will always have to be vigilant in the area of my health. (But, don't we all no matter what size or shape we are?) But seven weeks in, I can without at doubt say that it is worth it!
I'm not sure what else I can say is different. But the common thread for all of these things is that they are internal struggles. Change your mind, change your life, right?
I would add that accountability has been a factor as well. Knowing that I will be checking in with you guys holds me accountable. Having someone to keep you in check, who will be honest with you and hold you accountable can make a huge difference!
I have to keep reminding myself this, especially when I want to shed the pounds as quickly as possible. Every pound lost feels like another step to coming out of a prison.
Weight loss this week: 3 pounds (Today's weight 282)
Total weight loss in 7 weeks: 22 pounds (Starting weight 304)
I am thrilled with those three pounds this week, especially since I have been limited in my working out due to my knees. I have a doctor's appointment today and hopefully I will find out what is going on.
I haven't taken any more progress pictures. I am trying to wait until I get to 30 pounds lost before I post them. I will tell you, though, that I can visibly see a difference in myself and I can take my jeans off without even unbuttoning or unzipping them. They are getting too big! And a couple of my shirts I wore 7 weeks ago are too big now! That makes me so happy!
I hope you all are doing well trying to get healthy! Know that I am praying for you all! Keep it up!
*To view the post that started the weight-loss journey, click here.