I think it's time we have a little heart to heart. Or maybe I just need a sounding board this morning. I don't know. But, since I know you are such a great listener, I'm gonna spill.
The last month has been really frustrating on many levels; my dreams for this blog and my home, my health, weight loss, and fitness, and learning how to say no so that I don't over-commit myself.
Let's just talk about weight loss. Even though, I have been consistently working out and eating within my calorie parameters, I haven't seen the scale budge much at all in the last month. I can't tell you how frustrating that is! I know that muscle weighs more than fat. I know that sometimes, you lose inches and not pounds. But, even so, I still feel that the scale should show a little more than it has. I have no idea what is up with my body. I did finally get measured last week so that I will be able to see the inches lost when I'm not seeing it on the scale, and I think that will help me stay positive.
I teeter on the edge of being so proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far and the realization that I still have a really LONG way to go. I swing from being more self-confident because of the weight loss and feeling great about it to insecurity. I am terrified that I am going to fall back into old habits. After all, in the past I lost one hundred pounds then gained it all back plus some. On one hand, I am screaming DON'T COUNT ME OUT! because I know what I am and will be capable of. On the other hand, I am still unsure about it all. I just want the weight off! And I want it off as quickly as possible. Sometimes, I feel like it is suffocating me. I have to remind myself that it will take time.
This past month, honestly, has shaken my confidence a bit; confidence that I can do this, confidence that I WILL succeed. I'm battling within myself, my outlook swinging back and forth like a pendulum.
Losing 32 pounds in less than five months is great, but that forward momentum has slowed down and I've got to push through this. I've got to figure out a way to just keep swimming. Just. Keep. Going. I've got to get that momentum going forward again.
I have to persevere. A couple years ago at VBS, one of the things my girls learned was the definition of perseverance. That definition always stuck out in my mind: Always finish what you started.
I will persevere. I will finish what I've started. I will become healthy. I will reach my goals. (I'm giving myself a little pep talk here.)
And don't count me out. Just don't. I know that when others see me, they probably don't automatically think of strength, or agility, or endurance. They don't see an athlete or a fighter or someone who is brave enough to face this head on. But I know that that is within me. I know that person is in there, slowly emerging. I know that things that are worth fighting for aren't easy. If this were easy, a lot more people would be doing it, as well.
Don't count me out. And I will try not to count myself out, either.